GIS Butterfly: ...because it is my name

The First Time in Forever

1st view of Susanville in 34 years

Yesterday I did a very brave thing. It was the first time I had been to Susanville since I left exactly 34 years ago, August 25, 1985. I felt I was leaving in a shroud of shame. My husband of 7 years had cheated on me. But worse than that, he and this woman had a child and had flaunted their relationship all over town for a year, while I worked in a Motel. I was managing a motel and lived on site with hardly a day off. This was my town, I had lived here since I was 6! Betrayal! Shame! Fear! Unsuccess! Anger! There were many emotions I had no words to describe. My mother had secured a hiding place for me at Shasta Bible College. 34 years ago today I packed my car and headed west with no desire to look in the review mirror at the town I had called home.

A Lot Can Happen in 34 Years

My divorce was very simple. The judge in Susanville was a family friend. I typed the papers myself on a typewriter. After mailing a copy to my ex-husband and securing the "Return Receipt" the judge stamped the divorce final on May 25 and only charged me a $25 fee for filing. This past summer I acquired the official copy for another $25.

To get the real ID from the DMV one must have: Record of all name changes (ie: birth, marriage, divorce if you changed your name), SS card, two forms of current address not over a month old and $27. If at the same time you want to change your name on the title of a vehicle...that is free.

I had been Mrs. D.M. Burnham since Oct 17 1987. My divorce papers were presented to me Oct. 17, 2015. My son was still living with me, so changing my name at the time didn't seem right. When I transferred to a different school in my district last March, I was no longer Mrs. Burnham. At this new school they called me, Teacher Deena.

As the time approached for needing the real ID to fly, I chose to reclaim my name. Deena Marie Orr is now my legal name. I have spent a lot of time and a reasonable amount of money to provide DMV with all the documentation needed to prove my identify. While I was at it, I also filed for a passport. They cashed my check, so I hope to see that in the mail soon.

No More Shame on Me

As a child the phrase, "Shame on you." was said more often than it ever should. It is a phrase that I feel no child or person should have said to them. However, it was a teaching tool. No person should feel shame for an error or illness. Disgracing your family, being improper, public humiliation are things I grew up believing were my total existence. I married two men that seemed very different, but in reality they were excellent at putting shame on me. Being taught that I was less than, not good enough for anything or anyone, was my belief, until four years ago.

Enough

I have learned that: I am enough! You are enough! I have had enough! Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt!

Chonda Pierce T-shirt

I went to a Chonda Pierce concert last spring and I bought this T-shirt. Chonda may be a public figure and have aired her dirty laundry as my mama would have said, but her story always gives me hope. Many of her problems are similar to mine. Many of her problems couldn't be farther than mine. Few people in 2019 can say that in middle class America, they raised four children without a stove, oven or proper heating and air-conditioning, while two of these children graduated with honors from University and the other two graduated from tech programs with honors. Yes, I am enough and I have had enough.

August Milestones

My amazing children have been busy the past three years giving me even more amazing "Grandchildren".

Trader Joe's gave her flowers

Grammie Jammies

"For me and Bear"

The divine Miss Emelia Claire turned "3" last week. We found the Sleeping Beauty night gown with a matching one for a "Dolly". Saturday morning before her birthday we had a video chat, so that I could watch her open her gift. Bear fits the little nightie perfectly😂

Ellie Anne was 8 months old August 10th.

As promised last time I had a new Grandchild on August 8th. The surprising thing is: the sonogram folk told my daughter and her husband they were expecting a girl. Over and Over and Over: a girl!