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Butterfly- A colorful insect that flies from flower to flower pollinating and bring joy to the onlooker.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

I've Been To Me


A song from 1976  "I've never been to me", seemed to be a theme for over 1/2 my life. I was 31 when I finally brought a baby home from the hospital. Today at 58, I've been to me... 

๐ŸŽต I've Never Been to Me ๐ŸŽต

Hey lady, you lady
cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother
and a regimented wife
I 've no doubt
you dream about the things you never do
but I wish someone had a talk to me like I wanna talk to you

Ooh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
Took the hand of a preacher man
and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces
Because I had to be free

I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...

Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie
a fantasy we created about people and places
as we like them to be
but you know what truth is?

it's that little baby you're holding
and it's that man you fought with this morning
the same one you are gonna make love to tonight
that's truth that's love


Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children
that might have made me complete

I've been to paradise - never been to me


 I lost children before birth, after birth and raised four amazing adults by the grace of God. I had been to Georgia and live in California before 1987 when I married the Preacher Man. Now I am alone.
GOD'S GRACE...That is what is all about. Those first 31 years before I held my first baby to my chest and smelled the baby breath...I am so thankful for the experience of being a mother these past 26 years. The outcome of four amazing adults and our little Em who came to spend 3 days with me at the beginning of my two week vacation.

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Em visiting Grammie's peaceful place


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Peaceful Place of all Seasons


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Spring


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Last Summer
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Birthday Rocks
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Zen Garden, Herb and Basil, Pansies



video

This summer I have been to Me. I went through counseling, which I recommend for everyone. We all have some "junk in the trunk" we need to get rid of and see through a different lense. By learning what happened in our past that gave us certain uncomfortable feelings, acknowledging that we have a right to have a feeling and then deciding if we need to act or just say, "Yep, that was a feeling".

I'm a child of the 1960's. More flower child than a lot of my peers.  I love fresh air, clean food and kissing babies on their feet.
A recent quiz gave this result as my purpose and and I feel it is spot on:
๐Ÿฆ‹Your life purpose is to express your emotions and feelings through your art. You were born into this world with a gift and everything that you have experienced in life has led you to this moment where you need to explore and express. You find art through many mediums and forms of expression. Your life purpose is to communicate through creativity and touch other people's lives and souls.๐Ÿ–Œ

And finally, I took the test and got a "Pink Aura":

๐Ÿ’–Love, sincerity, affection and generosity are perfect words to describe you. Your pink aura indicates that you've achieved a perfect balance between your spiritual and material existence. You love to be surrounded by friends and family. You love to love and to be loved, while you hate conflicts and arguments. (Yes I do!)
You take care of your body and spread a positive and healing energy to those around you. The Pink Aura is very rare, so is the person who has it.๐Ÿ’—

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...the beach is where my heart is
My youngest daughter who lives near the beach was my last family member to see before my holiday ended. I was able to have dinner with her, my oldest sister and daughter's hubby the last night we were on the beach. This little plaque is very true. My heart is at the beach and the rose quarts I found to wear and share are a show that I have found the Rose Aura. I may slip back into my Amethyst Aura occasionally for safety sake, but I know the Rose will always be at the heart of Me.

If you have read my blog before and wonder if I have gone off on a "New Age" tangent...I don't apologize. It seems that some Eastern Religion and Western Christianity must co-habit in me. Yoga and meditation, studying the reasons and myth behind certain Crystals is a way to be informed and excepting. I don't have to embrace all you believe and you don't have to embrace all that I believe. Agree to disagree if you wish. Namesta ๐ŸŒผShalom๐ŸŒป
๐Ÿ’–Deena๐Ÿฆ‹

Monday, July 31, 2017

GoodBye July


This is truly a month I am glad to see in the rear view mirror.


First Monday Of Vacation


I am thankful for my thoughtful, peaceful place. May all who enter
feel the peace and rest of my nest.

This little meme made me chuckle this morning.
I am that "Scary Mom" who live with my childhood
dreams illustrated by this Dick and Jane style of art.
I've lived through the baby food in my hair and this week
I get to have my Granddaughter give me some baby food conditioner.

I finally have white clothes that stay white after wearing for 6 months.
I no longer get wine in a box, but I do, indeed, have saggy eyes.
I can't imagine having them surgically removed.

....And this from Butterflies and Pebbles.


I am beginning my birthday month and vacation with a goal of rest and peace.
Yes, I have created a place of Peace and Rest, but I only enjoy it in two hour increments.
This week I am taking larger portions. Yes, I will get my apartment cleaned for baby...
...to explore every surface.


Em will touch, taste and explore...
Meanwhile, I will be Leaning on the Everlasting Arms. This past two weeks I did a She Reads Truth study on old hymns and their origins.




After spending my birthday with friends and family (Aug 2nd), I get to have three days with my little Petunia (Em).
Following that adventure, my sister and I are headed to the ocean to soak up the sand and sea waters. Our weather here is in the 100's all of July, August and a good part of June and Sept. Spending three days on the coast to soak in the 70's and sand is a respite I cherish every August.

Lamentations 3:22-23


The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
 
they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

Monday, July 24, 2017

Great is YOUR Faithfulness

Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 
gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.


Stock photo-Hummingbird feather
Today is the last Monday I will sit on my Terrace listening to the Hummingbirds twitter, feeling their wind on my face...in preparation for Summer Camp BC 2017. We have completed 7 weeks of our amazing day camp and today begins the final week.
As I watched one of my hummers drinking from the feeder this morning, I noticed that a tiny tail feather had stuck to the feeder. (It is the size of the one in the stock photo and my phone camera could not focus.) What a precious tiny gift a feather can be.

New Mug
I visited the Redding City Church yesterday and was given a coffee mug for completing the visitors form. The Spirit filled service was restful and spoke to my heart. I will be visiting again next week.



My Butterfly was on a puzzle -app
Butterflies and Pebbles
This being the last week of camp, I will have possibly more children in my care than in other weeks. We have a full house on the roster. Last Friday our afternoon director was ill and as I sat in at her desk for the 6 hours I was able to plan this week and see the world of directing camp.A different side of the coin, indeed.


Decorated Rock idea
Next week I have a lot planned, but I hope to get a stock of rocks painted as gifts and to hide on my travels. https://www.facebook.com/groups/815216071912820/

Let your life so show before men, that they may see your good works,
and glorify your FATHER who is in Heaven. Matt 5:16 KJV


I'm so proud of how my son has been dealing with his adversity this month.



July has been very hard, but we have a lot to look forward to in August

Em and Lion will come visit August 3rd



Sunday, July 9, 2017

The Lord Will Turn Mourning to Joy

Thank you friends and family...

...for your prayers and thoughts for my son and me, as well as the Haedrick family.


July 4th a beautiful creature left our lives and went to God's garden to grace them with her wonderful spirit. Taylor, my son's girlfriend, was the sunflower and the butterfly all in one amazing package. The beauty of  the sun's reflection on a sunflower and the grace and joy of the butterfly. She passed away in my son's arms loosing a battle with illness that left us all speechless.
My Taylor Elephant
I have been buying Christmas presents in July as I have more money this time of year. This little elephant will remind me of our shared love of the Indian  Elephant Moteff. In Indian culture, elephants are a symbol of mental strength, earthiness and responsibility. I feel that is a great way to describe what Taylor and I share, along with a bit of this Free Spirit Child.



This summer I have spent time embracing my my God-given uniqueness. Taylor has been one of the people who excepted me on face value. The love she shared with my son was something I could not understand. I was blessed to see them enjoy something I have never experienced. Perhaps that was, because it would be such a short time they had to enjoy eachother. God gave her an extra measure of grace for my son.


S.C Lourie at Butterfly and Pebble described what I have
learned this summer about me.

This summer I learned most of the lessons about myself through the interactions I had with others.
My co-workers, friends, and even the fellow shoppers at Trader Joe's. I know I am a bookworm who would rather spend my free time in the summer ~ curled up in a cool place with a book. I have done that enough to get my prize at the library reading program for summer. BUT...I have made myself get out and I have invited people into my nest. This summer I reach out of my bubble of comfort.
I have also been going to counseling. This week I am to begin a program called "Brain Spotting". I still don't know what that is, but the internet and my therapist assure me that it will help with anxiety and PTSD.

"...  For I will turn their mourning into joy and will comfort them and give them joy for their sorrow.'


Ian and Taylor (the happiest couple)


Grief will have it's unpleasant cycle, but our strength is in the Lord of the Butterfly and the Sunflower.

Saturday, July 1, 2017

5 Jelly Beans and "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness"


Yes, I said, "Jelly Beans." Just 5 little jelly beans 
can put me over the edge, but I did not go there.
Every one has those triggers in their life, mine this week was "5 Jelly Beans" at 4:30 pm 
on Friday afternoon in a room with 16 soon-to-be 3rd and 4th graders.
Not ever one has the amazing summer job I do, so I will explain.
I am a group leader for 20 or so soon-to-be 3rd and 4th grader from all over Shasta County.
They are with me for 8 weeks, some only come every other week, some come only one week and some will be here the entire 8 weeks as their parents work and cant take off summer break.
We have a lot of fun! There are 2 field trip options for each week, 4 different activities available during each day....6 different choices three in the morning and three in the afternoon.
Yesterday was the half way point; four weeks down and four to go. July 28th at 6:00 pm will find me wanting to be done, but I'm going to miss the high energy, fast passed schedule.
So, what's with the "5 Jelly Beans", Mrs Deena? 
I have been on a Sugar Detox for 4 weeks. No refined or added sugar of any kind. Until this last week I hadn't even had fruit. This is a lifestyle change that I hope to keep on forever.
This last school year there was a point ever day around 3:30 to 4:30 pm when I would open the cupboard and give the kiddos a jelly bean, M&M or some kind of treat for being good. Since I was being "very good" I would give myself "5 Jelly Beans".
Some days that was the only added sugar in my life, but it added up. A granola bar can have 12 grams of sugar and there are 4 grams of sugar in a sugar cube.
Jelly Beans have about 37 grams of sugar to a 120 calorie serving, where as, I would have to eat 4 Nature Valley Crunch bars for 120 calories and that would be 24 grams of sugar. 
Wine is harder to figure, in US we don't have the nutritional info on the bottle, like "food".
Dry wine can have only 4 grams of sugar per litter and sweet wine can have, as much as 46 grams per 6 oz. I quit sugar has all kinds of info on the topic of alcohol and sugar detox.


I did not eat the jelly beans yesterday or any of the other days the past 4 weeks when the trigger came. Friday was one of those day where we had spent time and money to give the kiddos a good time and expected them to be respectful and thankful. My group seems to have a hard time with that concept. It seems to be an age specific thing with these kiddos. I can get the attention of any of the other groups with little effort, however, it is shared at camp that my group is the hardest to rein in. 
I was ready to grab the treat for the good ones...but I did not treat them with the sweet or get into it myself. The four ring leaders were put in "four corners" with a book while I addressed the other 12 and gave them an art project to chill with after our trip to the lake. Then the "four" got to sit at the table with me and write an apology to the director with a plan of action for future. I was pretty proud for a Friday afternoon to work through my "5 jelly bean" moment and include a lesson for the entire group. The 12 who didn't have to write were watching every move I made with the other four kiddos. It seemed to be a milestone moment for me. I had a clear head, I acknowledged my trigger and I didn't treat the kids with food either.

On to July



Grammie's little Petunia is ready for the 4th of July in her Auntie Mary's old dress
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 Auntie Mary in November 1991 in the same dress. I bought the dress for her with my birthday money. Aug. 1991. Now August 2017 I get to spend my birthday week with Petunia as we prepare for her 1st birthday. Meanwhile, July is another month of busy camp afternoons and preparing mind/spirit/body for a new school year that will begin the 2nd week of August. (I have no countdown either way.)


Image may contain: one or more people, ring and closeupHappy 4th of July. My henna tattoo is celebrating my Independence Day Motto. "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness."  I am thankful for a country where we celebrate everyone's difference and the right to be different. There is no perfect and there is a lot of bad stuff in this world, but I choose Joy.

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (NIV)

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Revisiting an Era

Child of the 1960's

Teen of the 1970's

1960's Folk Music station on Pandora seems to be my comfort zone in down time lately.

..but I still want to smack some people.

This last week I have been on a sugar detox and lost 9 pounds of toxins. Sometimes I really did want to smack someone, but it usually wasn't anyone that was in the same room. Along with the toxins in my body coming to the surface the toxins in my spirit and soul have been surfacing. 

This is a simple diet to follow.

(Here is my groceries list this week)
~ Quinoa, Scottish Oats (3 servings of whole grain -1/2 cup cooked )
Whole Milk Greek Yogurt
Whole Milk Mozzarella
Trader Joe's:
* Almonds
* Pickles
* Mayo
* Mustard
* Eggs
* Olive Oil spray
* Balsamic Vinegar
*Almond Butter
* Baking Cocoa powder
Lettuce
All kinds of crazy Sea Food๐Ÿฆ€
Asparagus
Carrots
Celery
Broccoli
and...
...about a gallon of water a day๐ŸŒธ

Our first week of camp went well.
I never expect what the children will be like, other than needy.
Only 4 out of 20 are from our school. The rest are from all over the Greater Redding Area.
I have an average of 18 in my group which is mostly children going into 3rd and 4th grade with a couple of very mature 2nd graders.
Friday we made Paper Lanterns. This was the favorite craft from my group. The favorite activity was called: Wolf Pack. Getting them into a group that resembled how a wolf pack travels and going on a tour of the school. This was outside and that day it was spitting rain.๐ŸŒฆ️

A bit of self care this weekend: visiting my friend Shelby who was giving Henna Tattoos in front of Trader Joe's. When she does a Henna Tattoo I let her do what she is feeling at the moment for me.

It's your turn ๐ŸŒน

So fun to spend time with young women of faith





I discovered S C Lourie quotes today.
These quotes spoke to my heart on many levels.

My layers are many
My heart has scares
I have layered flowers and fragrant herbs between the layers
The years appear sedimentary of flowers and memories
As I revisited the Era of the 60's and 70's this week I feel "home"
My apartment reflects this "home"
My style reflects that "home"
My music currently resonates "home"
I choose to be a light in my world
๐ŸŽจ๐Ÿฆ‹๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŒป๐ŸŽต☀️
dmb 6/17






Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Breathe, Rest, Create, Repeat.

Day 3 School Summer Break


 My goals for the summer.


First project: uncluttered the work space

Fairy Garden

Terrace/patio

Full view from my chair


Day 3 of Sugar detox and I've lost 7 pounds. Um..... I think I'm toxic. I don't add sugar to food, but my son got to take two very large bags of groceries from my apartment Sunday night that were processed with extra sugar. Even Trader Joe's catsup. May I just say,"What's up wit that?"
No alcoholic drinks for 21 days and no fruit. 
I'm working a little less than 30 hours a week, compared to 50 plus during school. 
No alarm clock, but I'm still waking at 6 a.m. I enjoy not being around people until after 9 a.m., but I am happy to be awake with the sun.
After June 25th I'll  add some fruit, as well as, enjoy a potato with sour cream and one glass of wine at night. (No starchy vegis until 21 days are up)

Authentic Feminine Life Facebook group has challenged us to a June Joy Challenge. I'm putting this under # 11 as my Thankful Journal reminds of what makes me joyful. However, St. Paul told us in the Epistle to the Philippians to Rejoice in the LORD always and be Thankful in all situations.
I will be using my meditation time this next few weeks to update my thoughts on the topics of: Inner Joy and Thankfulness. (I.M. me on Facebook if you want to be invited to the Authentic Feminine Life group.)

Day 3 of summer break and I feel pretty good about working on goals.