Such a Good Feeling...

𝅘𝅥𝅮It's such a good feeling

To know you're alive

It's such a happy feeling...𝅘𝅥𝅮

     Today I went to see the new Tom Hank's movie: A Beautiful Day in The Neighborhood. I loved him as Walt Disney in  Saving Mr Banks, but it was amazing that Tom Hanks could be Mr. Rogers too. I went to the movie alone and found myself sandwiched between two older gentlemen. One fell asleep next to me and started to snore. 

    My nerves have been on the raw this past couple of weeks. My stepmother, Kathy Orr, passed away a week ago after a week in the hospital in a coma. She has been ill a lot the past three years and had a sudden attach after a really good day, Monday Nov. 11th. A Celebration of Life will be scheduled in a few weeks.

   Sitting with my Dad this past two week I was able to do a bit of reflection. I realized that he has been a role model for me of showing unconditional love and respect. His faith has been very strong all my life. He was devoted to my mother for nearly 35 years of marriage until her death in 1986. The past 33 years he has been devoted to Kathy. 

   I have heard over and over and again today in the movie: "Caring for others is what makes us who we are." It isn't who I am that makes me do certain things. I make choices to be kind. I make choices to not show anger and frustration. It is okay that I am a quiet person who can sing loud. It is okay that I need time to recharge my spirit after giving all I have to the people in my life.

   Most of my life I have spent trying to please people. I recently discovers Helen Fisher and her brain based personality test:  

   I am a Negotiator:

"People who are expressive of the estrogen system tend to be intuitive, introspective, holistic, imaginative, trusting, empathetic, and contextual long-term thinkers. They are sensitive to people's feelings, and typically have good verbal and social skills."

   This was a surprisingly good description of me. My problem is keeping a balance between: imagination, empathy,  big-picture thinking and making my mouth work well. What this description does not take into consideration is that I am dyslexic. 

   Being a "dyslexic, overthinking, mouthy, emotional mess" is not a far cry from what I have felt like at times of serious stress. Fortunately I imagined it was always worse than others believed when I would have a melt down. 

    As a mom of four children that were only 4 years apart caused a very stress-filled teenager season. Three years in a row I had to visit the hospital for stressing out during the end of the school year. The graduating child was not the cause of the stress and I felt so worried that me having a melt down would effect their, "Big Day". Now I look back and see that I did pretty well at covering what a "Hot Mess" I was during those years. What I hope my children will remember is that mom was human and loved them through all the ups and downs.

   The Tom Hanks' movie reminded me of the importance for kids to see adults have emotions and deal with them properly. When we are going through tough times, we need to show choosing love. Mr Rogers mentioned that a lot in his program. Loving starts by loving myself. Giving myself grace as God has given me grace.

    This Thanksgiving I am thankful that I have Grace in my life.